Mind Fertilizer: One Real Collin County Housewife Speaks Up

About three weeks ago, the McKinney Courier-Gazette ran a story about several adult females who have taken to cyberspace to voice their collective disgust with the emotional/intellectual material shallowness of Collin County (or something like that). After reading the Gazette piece and then visiting the site (www.therealhousewivesofcollincounty), I admit that I’m more than a bit perplexed.

I’m not too terribly sure what to make of the site. Is it funny? Occasionally. Is it insightful? Sometimes. Is it raunchy? Only if you think an anonymous and admittedly sex crazed PMSing woman telling the world that her husband doesn’t like “to swim in the red river” is, ahem, raunchy. Is it cliché? It does seem a bit familiar.

So, faithful followers of all things delivered from Mind Fertilizer, I give you the words of Sabrina Beaverhausen, an anonymous 36-year-old SMU law grad raising a family somewhere around here – supposedly. The key word in all of this is, of course, anonymous. Gosh, for all we know, Sabrina Beaverhausen is my 73-year-old mother, your 60-year-old dad, a teenager in Detroit, a lonely Russian sailor, a Hannible Lector-type freak, or, of course, a deeply disturbed psychologist.

For the record, the woman who spoke to me for about an hour by telephone didn’t sound like my mother. Oh, and Beaverhausen says she owns and runs the website.


How or why are you guys more real than other housewives of Collin County?

We’re more real because we’ll actually step up to the plate and actually say what everyone else is thinking.

What are you saying that others won’t say?

We talk about Ambien and how we use it. We talk about how we leave pee on the toilet seats in public restrooms. And then we just talk about the whole Collin County bubble. And we’re not afraid to talk about our favorite shower head, either…which happens to be one that vibrates (laughs).

How can you sure other people are thinking this stuff and not saying it?

Well, we’re pretty sure. Um, I come from deep PTA roots and this is certainly not something I’ve ever spoken about at PTA meetings. You have to have right audience and particularly among women, this kind of discussion only comes up after we’ve had a few drinks. From the comments we get on the website, we do hear, “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you said it,” or  “Oh, you’re saying what I’m thinking.”

Why are people thinking these things but not speaking out?

I think it has everything to do with the political correctness that we’re in right now. Collin County is extremely “keep up with the Joneses,” when there are really are no Joneses here. Everybody wants -- everyone is trying to keep up with something that isn’t out there. They have wine tastings, dinner get-togethers…We’re trying to blow the Collin County Jones thing out of the water because obviously somebody is pissing on the toilet seats and they’re just not saying it.

O.K. I’ll bite. Pissing on the toilet seat?

Women’s restrooms are just disgusting. You got to get in there and get out quick. Women have to do the squat and run move.

That sounds worse than the men’s room.

It is. I told my husband the men’s room is better than the women’s room.  There’s always pee on the seat in the women’s room.

You realize you’ve burst my bubble? I thought women were perfect creatures.

The real housewives are not sitting around in PJs discovering how nifty the Swiffer is. Sorry, but we’re leaving our socks on at the gyno.

What does that mean?

(Laughs) They tell us to strip down naked, but [real housewives] always leave [their] socks on. It makes you feel a little more clothed particularly when someone is going to be that close to your [vagina].

Your website proudly announces, “I feel a sin comin’ on.” What’s that all about?

I actually have that as a necklace. I just love it. I think it’s a great. Some of the things we do write about, people turn around and want to pray for us…Those people are going to come on here and they’re going to find a sin on here somewhere. I feel like all of us (all of humanity) walk around with a sin right at their fingertips. We have a choice to let it come on or just pass it by. We’re willing to experience the sin and we’re willing to talk to you about it.

But really, what is a sin?

Each individual defines that for themselves.

But apparently many readers have this notion that they know what a sin is for everybody else?

Yes, their list of sins is THE list of sins.

Are the real housewives slamming “unreal” housewives in Collin County for being overly materialistic?

No. If you were interviewing Lulu (another blogger on the site) right now, I think she would agree there is nothing wrong with material consumption. I happen to own a Mercedes SUV. I don’t have a problem with that. I think it becomes a problem when people try to keep up with the Joneses. It’s the greed that’s a sin

Someone might say owning a Mercedes SUV is greedy.

I can afford it. I’m debt free. I see nothing wrong with nice car or a nice house. It’s entering the rat race when you can’t afford to even knock on the door that’s a problem.

How do you know people are living beyond their means?

Watch the news. There are tons of foreclosures in Collin County. Collin County went out and mortgaged itself to %!**. It bugs me. I come from a family where your name is gold; it’s the biggest credit you’ve got. You go around screwing that up, then you’re worth nothing.

Why do you think people want to play the game?

The game is fun. It’s nice to hear, “oh, we love your house, we love your car.”

Why?

Because so many people put their self worth in what they’ve got and what they own.

Do you do that?

I do not do that. After many, many years of therapy I don’t do that (laughs). My self worth is worth more than the amount of money that has been made in the history of ever.

What about the Mercedes?

We bought that for practical reasons. I’ve got three children. I have to have a large car and I refuse to drive a mini van.

How much is a Mercedes SUV these days?

The one I have is around $80,000.

So, there’s no ego satisfaction in being seen in the Mercedes?

No, because at any given four way stop you’ll see a car exactly like mine -- but mine’s paid for.